Earwig Pizza Anyone?

Alright I have to make another post about those wretched little f@$#ers again! Some people might think i'm a little obsessed, maybe a little crazy but my earwig experience just keeps gettin worse! lol BUT now I have 2 witnesses to back me up (so I don't seem so crazy lol). Ok here goes...Winter and I came to a conclusion that I must have earwigs living inside me...either that or they are attracted to me beyond repair. Last night I helped Wint and Rick move into their new "South Hoodie"pad. After we got everything put into place we took a break and laxed on the couches. Wint and Rick sat on the loveseat and I was sitting in a yoga position on the big comfy couch. We were sitting and just chatting when I felt that un-Godly pinch yet again! I flinged something off my leg and screamed! I turned on the light and to my horror once again...another Jesus earwig! Rick and Wint just laughed cause I "wigged out" big time! I even showed them on my foot where the bastard got me. My heart was pounding so fast and hard Winter could feel it by touching my chest. Well needless to say we shook the shit outta the cushions on the couch, I slept with a blanket draped over it and left the light on so I could do spot checks around the room. Am I paranoid? If I am I must have earwigophobia cause I absolutely hate them sooooo much! Yet they still insist to crawl on me (ughhhh) and take a little piece of flesh as a souvenir. Why? Are they attracted to me? No other bugs are! I am like a human insect repellant! Ask anyone! We could be camping and everyone is getting bit by flyies, musquitos whatever and I don't even have them landing on me for God's sake. So as I was saying Wint and I came to the final conclusion that they must be living in me! lol I guess I should tell ya'll how they would have got inside my body. Well a few months ago we ordered pizza. We ate it for supper and had some left-overs so I just left it in the box and put the box in the oven cause I knew we would want a late nite pizza snack. And we did. I took a piece and was chowing down on it while I looked into the pizza box that still had a piece or 2 left in it. To my freaking horror a God damned earwig came crawling out from under a slice and onto the box scurrying away. Well Jesus. I nearly took a heart attack. I don't know how the fucker even got into the oven and into the pizza box but that's irrelevant. The fact of the matter is that I just ate pizza that might have potentially came in contact with a crawling earwig. Now that's just sick. I know I must have a phobia of them and it started that day because I started to think crazy thoughts like "what if that earwig pooped on my pizza? what if it layed eggs on it and I ate the pizza and now will have earwig babies developing inside me?" Yes I actually thought those things. I might have blacked out I panicked that much. Anyone who knows me knows I DO NOT have a gag reflex (go ahead pervs I know what you are all thinking! lol) But it's true. I tried SOOOO hard to make myself throw up but had no luck! I stuck my fingers down my throat so far down I probably touched my stomache, lol. I tried sticking my toothbrush...Nope didn't work, I tried letting Blue stick her fingers down my throat....Nope didnt work. I even tried drinking sick ass raw eggs (I always thought that would make ppl barf their brains out) but NOPE! I just gagged and nothing. I tried mixing milk with the eggs and my Lord who wouldn't barf after drinking that? Well NOT ME! The rest of the day all I could think of was me being pregnant with earwig babies and there was no father around to support them cause he was now a squished pancake floating out in Sydney harbour. Great. Ok Ok, the story is true and I know it's 100% impossible for anything to survive in the human stomache with all the gastric acids, but the thoughts of it actually did run through my mind. lol I guess some of you are sitting there thinking...."This girl is a wing nut" or "What a baby!" Call me what you like i'm still not going to enjoy sharing this planet with an earwig. Well that's my story and i'm sticking to it! lol Hope you all atleast got a laugh out of it! :)